- DC Mike Dashwood: Anything else?
- DI Burnside: Yeah, a garage full of bricks.
- DC Mike Dashwood: What kind of bricks?
- DI Burnside: The kind the third little pig used to build his house out of. Brick, bricks.
- PC Cathy Bradford: D'you think Reg is all right?
- PC Gary Best: He's not exactly Rambo, is he?
- Insp. Gina Gold: Reg may not be a superhero, but I know who I'd like to be with me in a tight corner, and it wouldn't be you, Best, all right!
- DS John Boulton: [a lawyer standing in his underpants in a football changing room] Oh, great. The brief in briefs.
- Sgt Dale 'Smithy' Smith: [pulls a quantity of drugs from a pushchair] "Makes a change from a cuddly toy".
- Insp. Gina Gold: What is it with these kids? Why do they have to give themselves such ridiculous names?
- PC Sally Armstrong: It's a youth-culture thing.
- Insp. Gina Gold: It was a rhetorical question, thank you, PC Armstrong! I may be the wrong side of 50, but I am still alive!
- PC Will Fletcher: You got a minute?
- DC Jo Masters: Errr... no, as it happens, I don't... Wanna know why? I've just come from court... three months I spent preparing for that court appearance... an entire rainforest has died to provide the amount of paperwork I've submitted... the electricity bill for the unpaid overtime I've clocked, has irrevocably changed the earth's climate... and ya know what? The judge throws it out on the first day of trial, on a technicality. So no, I don't have a minute... I wanna sit at ma desk... I wanna eat a cream-filled chocolate eclair... and I wanna surf the net for holidays in the Seychelles...
- PC Tony Stamp: Everything all right up there?
- PC Ben Gayle: We got a dead body!
- PC Tony Stamp: I'll take that as a no then...
- DCI Jack Meadows: So, d'ya fancy a drink?
- DI Samantha Nixon: Yeah!
- DCI Jack Meadows: Shall we ask the Super?
- DI Samantha Nixon: Nah...
- DCI Jack Meadows: Are you sure I shouldn't have picked you up somewhere else?
- PC Sally Armstrong: No, it's all right, if anyone asks, I'll just say you're my dad...
- DS Phil Hunter: Why are attics always full of rubbish?
- DS Samantha Nixon: Mine's quite tidy actually.
- DS Phil Hunter: Well, you're a freak.
- DS Samantha Nixon: That's very kind of you
- Superintendent John Heaton: We didn't have a choice.
- Insp. Gina Gold: Well, you could have given them a chance to open the door.
- Superintendent John Heaton: Every second counted.
- Insp. Gina Gold: Clearly, but don't you think in retrospect that your decision was a bit rash?
- Superintendent John Heaton: Did Okaro have to put up with your constant criticism?
- Insp. Gina Gold: No, because to be honest there was a lot less to criticise.
- Superintendent John Heaton: Oh, please, don't stop there, you obviously have an opinion on the way I'm handling things, carry on. I'm very interested to hear what you have to say, Inspector.
- Insp. Gina Gold: You could have asked for my opinion before you smashed into the people's house. I think it's a bit late asking now, Sir.
- PC Tony Stamp: [about PC Noble] There's something going on between her and the super. I reckon he's brought her in to spy on us.
- Sgt Dale 'Smithy' Smith: She knows the super through her ex-husband. They're old mates, that's all. You're such an old woman, Tone!
- DS Stuart Turner: Hey, ya know what I was thinking? Erm, forget the drink, I wanna buy you dinner instead.
- PC Diane Noble: I don't really think I'm your type.
- DS Stuart Turner: Oh, no, you're just my type, believe me.
- PC Diane Noble: Well, then, maybe you're not mine?
- DS Stuart Turner: Oh, right...
- [Coughs]
- DS Stuart Turner: Well, good work today...
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: I mean, how naff is that? Big bank robber smoking Menthol! Ya know I heard it causes impot...
- DC Jo Masters: How does that help us, Eddie?
- DC Rob Thatcher: Nixon's been looking for you.
- DS Phil Hunter: Oh, yeah? What'd ya say?
- DC Rob Thatcher: I said I didn't know where you were.
- DS Phil Hunter: Nice one! Yeah, even Ken would've done better than that!
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: DS Hunter! My office now!... I said now!... Where have you been? And don't try telling me it's to do with the Brewer case.
- DS Phil Hunter: No, I slipped out.
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You slipped out? For over two hours? What's going on?
- DS Phil Hunter: It's personal.
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Oh, is it? When I assign you to an investigation, I expect you to just get on with it, not go swanning around to goodness knows where!
- DS Phil Hunter: It was important.
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: This job is important. Now I'm under pressure to get results here!
- DS Phil Hunter: Yeah, well, so am I... Look, I apologise for not consulting you first, all right? Can I go back and do some work?
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Well, if it's not too much trouble!
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: I want results...
- DS Phil Hunter: Yeah, well, I was thinking along those sorta lines as well...
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Well, pull your finger out! And stop skiving!
- PC Nick Klein: Where you going?
- DC Eva Sharpe: I'm gonna go and see Aaron's social worker again, I think there's something we might've missed here...
- PC Nick Klein: What about Hunter?
- DC Eva Sharpe: I'm following my instincts on this one!
- PC Nick Klein: He could go ballistic...
- DC Eva Sharpe: I don't care if he spontaneously combusts!
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Err, today would be nice.
- DS Phil Hunter: I dunno about you, but I'm pretty sure I won't miss being bossed around by Miss Desperate-To-Be-An-Inspector Nixon.
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: I heard that!
- DS Phil Hunter: Yes, of course ya did. With those supernatural senses she would've been dunked a few years back... Witch!
- DI Samantha Nixon: Good night.
- PC Nate Roberts: Oh, Ma'am!
- DI Samantha Nixon: Eurgh, so close! Yes?
- PC Nate Roberts: You're needed down the Grape and Bottle.
- DI Samantha Nixon: You mean the Seven Bells.
- PC Nate Roberts: No.
- DI Samantha Nixon: Is this... Is this some sort of, weird way of asking me out?
- PC Nate Roberts: No, it's, erm... there's been a serious assault.
- DI Samantha Nixon: Well, I'm sorry, Nate, I knocked off about an hour ago.
- PC Nate Roberts: Yeah, sorry. It's just, they specifically asked for a, senior, CID officer.
- DI Samantha Nixon: Right. OK, tell them I'm on my way. And err, by the way, there are people up there much older than me.
- DS Phil Hunter: Why does the blackmailer want the money dropped off here? I mean, how does he know no-one's gonna pick it up first? And why's this location a convenient place?
- DC Suzie Sim: Well, it's overlooked on all four sides, and he or she might be watching us as we speak.
- DS Phil Hunter: Yeah, probably in the same building as our OP; how's it going up there, Jo?
- DC Jo Masters: You make a lovely couple.
- DS Phil Hunter: A lovely couple of what?
- DC Jo Masters: No comment!
- DS Phil Hunter: [Putting on aftershave]
- DC Jo Masters: That reminds me, I must get my drains sorted...
- Sgt. June Ackland: Sir, we're not the pink and fluffy brigade you know! I mean, if anything, dealing with race hate crime, domestic violence, means we're gonna get our hands dirtier than anyone else!
- Supt. Tom Chandler: I'm on your side, June, I'm a hundred percent behind the CSU. I was just observing that your work might entail some tact and discretion, that's all. Especially where the local ethnic groups are concerned.
- PC Cathy Bradford: Sorry I'm late, I've been up all night... Dodgy Indian...
- PC Reg Hollis: [about Inspector Gold] I heard she murdered a bloke once.
- PC Nick Klein: Oh yeah? What with?
- PC Reg Hollis: Bare hands probably...
- Chief Supt. Charles Brownlow: Did the prisoner hurt himself?
- Sgt. Matt Boyden: Unfortunately not, sir.
- Sgt. Alec Peters: Best thing to do is to close your office door.
- Chief Inspector Derek Conway: Yeah, and tell the world to Foxtrot Oscar.
- DCC Gordon Cooper: So, who should we expect a visit from?
- Supt. Tom Chandler: DC Mickey Webb, small bloke, yaps like a dog.
- DS Geoff Daly: [talking about a married suspect who's got his 24-year-old girlfriend pregnant and doesn't know what to do] Can't help feeling sorry for Ted.
- DC Rod Skase: What? C'mon! He's trading in his clapped-out old Escort for a brand new GTI. Unfortunately it's got a baby seat built in as well!
- DS Geoff Daly: You're a right bleeding heart, Rod!
- PC Steven 'Steve' Loxton: [on the way to a roadblock to catch a thief who hit Boulton and escaped arrest] He's a dangerous man, Pol. So when we're checkin' these cars, I want you to stay nice and close to me!
- PC Polly Page: [Gary and George laugh] I thought that's what you meant!
- PC Steven 'Steve' Loxton: You may laugh, but he's knocked the crap out of CID's finest!
- PC George Garfield: Yeah, well, that's not very hard!
- PC Gary McCann: From the description, he sounds like a dwarf!
- PC Steven 'Steve' Loxton: Well, he's a vicious dwarf! He kneed DS Boulton in the orchestra stalls!
- DI Burnside: Annoyed? First Class passengers on the Titanic were annoyed. What I'm feeling now goes beyond that.
- [about Inspector Gina Gold]
- PC Jim Carver: How's the dragon this morning? Is she breathing fire or smoking it?
- Insp. Gina Gold: Rules are rules, and if I thought for one minute you were bending them for anyone--including me--I'd kick you from hell to breakfast!
- DC Jo Masters: Morning.
- DC Mickey Webb: Wow, late night?
- DC Jo Masters: Not particularly, what makes you think that? Can't a girl come in a little bit late for work without people casting aspersions on her good name?
- DC Kezia Walker: Is that asprin you're drinking?
- DC Jo Masters: You see, this is the problem with cynical detectives, such as yourselves... You take a few pieces of circumstantial evidence and you leap to some preconceived conclusion. There may be any number of reasons why I'm drinking this concoction of paracetamol and electro light enriched water... Maybe I'm replacing lost fluids following an early-morning game of squash, or perhaps I'm simply coming down with the flu.
- DC Mickey Webb: Or perhaps you left The Seven Bells and ended up in The Octane Nightclub last night?
- DC Jo Masters: Oh... How'd you know?
- DC Mickey Webb: Erm... You've still got the stamp on your hand.
- DC Jo Masters: Don't start, Mickey! I've got the mother of all hangovers and I don't want any of your southern lip! I'm just gonna drink this, bury myself in paperwork, and sit quietly...
- [Northern Voice]
- DC Jo Masters: OK?
- DC Jo Masters: Right... He got a caution for public disorder six months ago... and there are several charges of GBH and threatening behaviour... Lovely! Just the sorta' bloke ya wanna borrow money from...
- DC Jo Masters: You got any perfume?
- DC Stevie Moss: Yeah, why?
- DC Jo Masters: Might wanna give yourself a spray. Sammo's personal hygiene isn't all that.
- DC Jo Masters: And have we found anything interesting?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: No, but I smell something interesting. Apricot Danish?
- DC Jo Masters: It's peach, and it's mine.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Oh, come on, I've been here since 6am. Give us a bite and I'll tell you about a partial print I found?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: DC Jo Masters... You're wondering how I did that, aren't ya?
- DC Jo Masters: Not really, no.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: It's your perfume. 'Sensual for Women,' innit? Suits you... Kinda like me...
- DC Jo Masters: I hear you have a match on a partial print for me, Eddie?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah, it was easy, you know what the stoners are like: sloppy, always takin' their gloves off. I think it's the loss of motor function.
- DC Jo Masters: Let me guess... Tray Simpson, 43 Rudkin Road?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah.
- DC Jo Masters: Ahh... Wondering how I did that, aren't ya?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Got something for you. Sticky bun... and a chocolate éclair.
- DC Jo Masters: Eddie, you're an absolute star! I haven't eaten all day.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Really? Me neither.
- DC Jo Masters: Mmm, thank you! Mm mm, thanks!
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: There's a little Turkish place round the corner... Fancy a bite? My shout.
- DC Jo Masters: I've gotta get through this work, Eddie.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Oh, yeah. Another time maybe?
- DC Jo Masters: Sure, whenever.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Saturday night?
- DC Jo Masters: Eddie, are you asking me out on a date?
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, I felt something between us, didn't--It's not that funny is it?
- DC Jo Masters: Yes, it is.
- CSE Eddie Olosunje: Why? I mean, we're mates, ain't we?
- DC Jo Masters: Yeah, Eddie... we're mates, yeah. C'mon, I'm gonna buy you a drink and explain...
- Insp. Gina Gold: Oh, and by the way, Gary, I've had to deal with enough nobs today; I'm sure it's very impressive, but keep it in your trousers...
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You've made my mind up for me. I want you to act as Family Liaison Officer to the Weavers.
- DS Phil Hunter: You what?
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You heard.
- DS Phil Hunter: Guv, I'm hardly tea-and-sympathy material, am I?
- DC Rob Thatcher: He's not wrong there, Guv.
- DS Phil Hunter: See? Can't you get Eva to do it?
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Look. I know you've got all the listening skills and empathy of a breeze-block, Phil, but that's not what's needed here. Weaver's up to his neck in all sorts, and some of his associates will've lost a lot of money when Joel Brewer decided not to throw that fight, so if we wanna find that little girl, we need to know who Weaver's wound up. And how nasty they are. And as you're our expert in all things nasty... low... devious...
- DS Phil Hunter: Yeah, thanks very much.
- Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You're welcome... Shift your arse.
- DC Rob Thatcher: [laughs]
- DC Rob Thatcher: Wipe that smile off your face, Constable!