Spaceballs (1987)
Dick Van Patten: King Roland
Photos
Quotes
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[King Roland has given in to Dark Helmet's threats, and is telling him the combination to the "air shield"]
Roland : One.
Dark Helmet : One.
Colonel Sandurz : One.
Roland : Two.
Dark Helmet : Two.
Colonel Sandurz : Two.
Roland : Three.
Dark Helmet : Three.
Colonel Sandurz : Three.
Roland : Four.
Dark Helmet : Four.
Colonel Sandurz : Four.
Roland : Five.
Dark Helmet : Five.
Colonel Sandurz : Five.
Dark Helmet : So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
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Minister : Excuse me! I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love, so please be quiet!
Princess Vespa : I'm sorry!
King Roland : I'm sorry
Prince Valium : I'm sorry too.
Minister : Don't be sorry, be quiet!
Princess Vespa , King Roland , Prince Valium : I'm sorry!
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King Roland : Are you all right, my dear? You look a little... flighty.
Princess Vespa : Don't worry about me, Father. I'm completely over him. Huh! Didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed his million space bucks and ran.
King Roland : He didn't take the million.
Princess Vespa : He didn't?
King Roland : No. He just took 248 space bucks for lunch, gas, and tolls.
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Minister : Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together... again.
Princess Vespa : Why didn't you tell me he didn't take the money?
King Roland : I didn't think it was important.
Minister : May I continue, please?
King Roland : Besides, he asked me not to tell you.
Minister : Thank you. To join Princess Vespa and Princess Valium...
[realizing his mistake]
Minister : I'm sorry. It's the hair.
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King Roland : [requesting Lone Starr's help to rescue Vespa] You're the only ones that can save her! I'll give you anything! Did you hear me? Anything.
Barf : Anything?
King Roland : Yes, anything!
Lone Starr : Okay. We'll do it for... a million.
King Roland : A million?
Barf : [preparing to toggle the video feed] Oh, you're starting to fade here. We're losing picture, Your Highness.
King Roland : All right, all right, I'll pay it. Only find her, save her.
Lone Starr : All right, King. You just made a deal.
Barf : One princess for one million space bucks.
Lone Starr : What's she driving?
King Roland : A brand-new white Mercedes, 2001 S.E.L. Limited Edition. Moon roof, all-leather interior. I got it at a very good price. I paid cash. My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. He was very nice to me.
Lone Starr : We get the idea. Where was she last seen?
King Roland : She was just passing Jupiter 2.
Lone Starr : We'll find her.
King Roland : Please bring her back safely. And if it's at all possible, try to save the car.
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King Roland : Helmet, you fiend! What's going on? What are you doing to my daughter?
Dark Helmet : Permit me to introduce the brilliant young plastic surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin. The greatest nose job man in the entire universe and Beverly Hills.
Dr. Schlotkin : [bowing] Your Highness.
King Roland : Nose job? I don't understand. She's already had a nose job. It was her was her sweet-16 present.
Dark Helmet : No, it's not what you think. It's much, much worse. If you do not give me the combination to the air shield, Dr. Schlotkin will give your daughter back...
[holding up a blown-up picture]
Dark Helmet : ...her old nose!
Princess Vespa : NOOOO! Where did you get that?
King Roland : All right, I'll tell! I'll tell!
Princess Vespa : No, Daddy, no, you mustn't!
King Roland : You're right, my dear. I'll miss your new nose. But I will not tell him the combination, no matter what.
Dark Helmet : Very well. Dr. Schlotkin, do your worst.
Dr. Schlotkin : [scraping his blades together] My pleasure.
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King Roland : Oh, Vespa, my darling. I thought I'd never see you again. Oh, my sweet little daughter. I'm so happy that you're home and safe. And, little Vespa, here's someone else who's happy to see you.
[an aide nudges the sleeping Prince Valium awake]
Prince Valium : [yawning] Oh, hello. Where have you been?
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Princess Vespa : Ha, didn't even stay for the wedding. Just took his million spacebucks and ran.
King Roland : He didn't take the million...