Third Watch (1999–2005)
Jason Wiles: Maurice Boscorelli, Self
Photos
Quotes
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Sully : Bet you didn't figure on watching fake vampires your first day back.
Bosco : There was a time I didn't figure I'd have a first day back.
Sully : I always knew.
Bosco : No you didn't.
Sully : When you were hurt, way back in the beginning, when we were coming over to your room and sitting with you, I realized something.
Bosco : What? That you had better things to do?
Sully : No. I realized why you rub me the wrong way.
Bosco : 'Cause I'm so much better looking than you?
Sully : When you first came on at the 5-5 you were this gung-ho, 100 miles an hour, true believer. All you wanted to do was catch bad guys.
Bosco : And you were the opposite.
Sully : No. I was exactly the same way when I came on. There was no one more excited about being the police. But the system beat it out of me. Bad guys I worked hard to get went free... Cops I respected ended up being dirty. Even did a few things myself I'm not too proud of.
Bosco : Yeah?
Sully : So I kept waiting for it to beat you down. But you never let it. And that's what I realized one day sitting by your hospital bed. You piss me off so much because you remind me that I let the system beat me.
Bosco : You're a pretty damn good cop, Sul.
Sully : I don't really believe there's a greater good anymore. But you still do. So I always knew that if you woke up, you'd be back out here. 'Cause you're a true believer, Bosco.
Bosco : [after an awkward moment] I'm not gonna kiss you.
Sully : Unless you wanna get shot again.
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Bosco : Greetings! This is not God, but this is his close friend, Officer Boscorelli. Please pull over.
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Bosco : Look, I know you're upset but if we're going to have to rely on me being the level-headed one, we're going to have some serious problems.
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Bosco : Only two things I watch. Sports and animals.
Yokas : Animals?
Bosco : Yeah. Shark shows, elephant babies, lions, tigers, bears.
Yokas : Oh my.
Bosco : What?
Yokas : Nothin'.
Bosco : You don't watch those shows? Best shows on the box.
Yokas : I guess I must be missing out.
Bosco : You are. A lioness with her cubs in the tall grass. No human beings around for miles.
Davis : Except for the 18 guys in the camera truck?
Bosco : You gotta ruin it for me, right?
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Rose Boscorelli : Your precinct sent a very beautiful arrangement.
Bosco : Yeah, they're nice.
Rose Boscorelli : Michael would've loved them.
Bosco : Flowers from the police... He would've got a kick out of that.
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Aaron Noble : I was doing research, for a book.
Bosco : Oh my gosh. You know what? Please accept our apologies. Sarge! Sarge stop searching the car. He was only doing research for a book.
Cruz : Oh, didn't somebody already write Dumb and Dumber?
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Bosco : The world would be so much better without people.
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Bosco : I'm thinking about quitting and doing something else.
Yokas : Really?
Bosco : You haven't thought about it? After all this?
Yokas : Yeah... so are you?
Bosco : And let that skinny little bearded bastard think he beat me? Hell no. Give me a parachute and a pistol and drop me in there. I'll shoot him in the head myself.
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Tommy Shepherd : So, uh, what kind of gun do you carry?
Bosco : Loaded.
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[Yokas and Bosco are directing traffic at an accident scene]
Man : Excuse me, I have to get through. I live just on the other side.
Bosco : Hey Yokas. Yokas! We got ourselves a big problem here. This guy, he lives just on the other side and he has to get through. Hey everybody! Get the hell out of the way! This guy needs to get through.
Man : That's okay, man.
Bosco : Come on. You drive, I'll shoot anybody that gets in your way.
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[to Miguel]
Bosco : [smirks] Something tells me I'm going to be seeing you again.
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Cruz : Sorry to interrupt kindergarten, but I need, um, Boscorelli.
Lt. Swersky : For the whole tour?
Cruz : I'll get him back when I can.
Bosco : Duty calls, boys. Think of me fondly with every parking ticket you issue.
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[pretending to be a paramedic]
Bosco : She's gonna need a plastic mask and an I.V. Probably what, a standard eight?
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Bosco : A child molester with his own Santa Claus suit. If that doesn't say Christmas, what does?
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[about Mikey's deal]
Cruz : You don't tell me what's what, Boscorelli.
Bosco : Make alternate arrangements. He's not doing it.
Cruz : Yeah, we'll see about that.
Bosco : He's not doing it!
Cruz : What the hell you gonna do about it?
Bosco : Leave him the hell alone, you hear me?
Cruz : I don't think so.
Bosco : You don't think so? I don't know how many times I can tell you this. Listen to me. And listen real close... If you hurt my brother I'm gonna kill you. And that's a promise.
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Bosco : Let's go roust somebody.
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Bosco : I'm not gonna sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. It's not gonna happen! So I'm asking you... Everything that we've been through together.
Yokas : You're not thinking straight. I'm gonna tell you right now, you do not wanna do this.
Bosco : It's all I got. If I don't get back on, what am I supposed to do?
Yokas : There are plenty of jobs that you can do down at the department.
Bosco : No. I need to be in the radio car, answering calls. It's what I do. It's what I'm good at. It's what I do!
Yokas : I can't help you.
Bosco : I saved your life that night and you won't do this for me? You're gonna sit there and you're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that you won't shoot a damn target? Of all the people I thought that I c - - I could come to you.
Yokas : Bosco, that is not fair.
Bosco : To hell with you.
Yokas : Bosco!
Bosco : No, to hell with you!
Yokas : Bosco! Bosco don't do this.
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Lt. Swersky : It's good to see you up and around, Bosco.
Bosco : You should be glad, Boss. I heard on the news you got people getting shot right here in the building?
Lt. Swersky : Yeah... It was an unusual day.
Bosco : I leave for a few months, you let the whole place go to hell?
Lt. Swersky : Are you trying to piss me off in the first two minutes?
Bosco : No, I'll hold that 'till tomorrow.
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Bosco : Paramedic street justice, who knew?
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Bosco : I've never been good with the phones. Ask my ex-girlfriends.
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Bosco : [about Monroe] Why can't I ride with her?
Lt. Swersky : No way, Bosco. I don't need that drama.
Bosco : There's no drama. Look, whatever happened when I was away, none of my business. I'm serious. We're good. You're gonna have more problems with me answering this phone right there.
Lt. Swersky : Okay, but if I hear one complaint from her, you're gonna be answering that phone for the rest of your career. Am I clear?
Bosco : Crystal.
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Bosco : [about Emily] She's gonna have great legs. If I were 12, I'd do her.
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[Bosco is having trouble with a typewriter]
Bosco : I'm gonna kick your ass! How about that, huh?
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Bosco : There is definitely some church in my future.
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[about riding with Davis]
Bosco : Ah, great. I get to spend the day riding around with a totem pole.
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[to Davis]
Bosco : You are a God! You know, we ought to start our own religion.
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[JJ, the suspect Bosco is chasing, jumps two stories and lands badly]
Bosco : What? You figure you were gonna bounce?
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Bosco : Good thing about junkies: they're featherweights. Skin and bones. Zip 'em up and move 'em out.
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Bosco : Anonymous caller, what the hell is that?
Monroe : Why are we always driving in the wrong direction when we get a job?
Bosco : If it bothers you enough to call, at least have the balls to say it was you.
Monroe : You know, maybe we should just start driving in reverse. At least we'd be facing the right direction.
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Bosco : Where did you come from? I mean, where did my father find you?
Lester Martin : We have mutual acquaintances.
Bosco : Oh, that's great, 'cause I was getting a little worried there about your credentials.
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Lt. Swersky : Where have you been?
Bosco : [escorting Daryl to lock-up] Pretty busy at the hospital, Boss.
Lt. Swersky : Oh yeah? We got a couple of calls about a guy in green pants and a vest, handcuffed, jogging down the street. You know anything about that?
Bosco : All I can say is that's one hell of a coincidence.
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[about Charlie's homework;paper doll]
Yokas : He's gotta get pictures of Flat Stanley at work, or um, on a trip.
Bosco : Flat Stanley?
Yokas : Yes, Flat Stanley... And he could have gone to his grandparents, but Charlie is very proud that his mother's a police officer. So, Flat Stanley's gonna come to work with us today. You'll have kids one day, you'll understand.
Bosco : You know what this makes me think of? Birth control.
Yokas : Get the camera out.
Bosco : Yeah, we should take a cute little shot of him... caught in the shredder.
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Yokas : Hey, you're wearing a vest.
Kim : Yeah, my ex-husband's idea of a birthday gift.
Yokas : Yeah, I usually get a dustbuster or something equally romantic.
Kim : Yeah, a dustbuster I could use. This thing is just hot and uncomfortable. Not to mention it looks like I'm wearing a barrel.
Bosco : You look pretty good to me.
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[to Yokas]
Bosco : You coming in or are you gonna stay out here and open up a soup kitchen?
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Yokas : Fred's always thought you were gay.
Bosco : What?
Yokas : Something about the way you walk.
Bosco : What about the way I walk?
Yokas : You kinda sway.
Bobby : You hurt your hip or something?
Bosco : What?
Bobby : You're walking funny.
Yokas : He's a little self-conscious today.
Bosco : There's not a damn thing wrong with the way I walk!
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[to Monroe - imitating the old lady]
Bosco : You're sitting on Liberty! You're sitting on Liberty!
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Bosco : Trust me, pal, when it comes to breaking things, the fire department knows exactly what they're doing.
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Bosco : How come whenever I'm in a good mood you think it must be related to sex?
Yokas : Because the only time you ever smile at the start of a shift is if you had your bean waxed the night before. I did the math.
Bosco : You know, Yokas, some things are better than sex.
Yokas : You got a fever or something?
Bosco : I'm serious. I'm capable of getting a rush out of other things in life, you know.
Yokas : Like what, sucking on whipped cream cans?
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Bosco : Where'd you park?
Yokas : Right out front... That's 5-5 David.
Bosco : How'd you do that?
Yokas : What do you think, I'm not gonna go all out for my partner?
Bosco : Thank you. Thank you, Faith.
Yokas : Come on, we've gotta hurry up before Swersky finds out. How 'bout I let you play with the lights and sirens? How's that sound?
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[to Yokas]
Bosco : I wanna talk about today. At the range. The reason I didn't show you my target isn't 'cause I nailed it. It's 'cause I couldn't shoot worth a damn.
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Lt. Swersky : Don't you wanna know who you're riding with?
Sully : Please tell me you're not sticking me with some rookie I'm gonna have to baby-sit all day.
Bosco : Actually, boss wants me to keep an eye on you.
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Bosco : I'm back to show you all how it's done, ladies.
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Yokas : Charlie threw up this morning and then I cleaned it up, no help from Fred, and I take a shower and I'm halfway out the door - - surprise. Vesuvius erupts again. Eww.
Bosco : God, I can't wait to have kids.
Yokas : Oh my God. I can't believe my life has come to this. I cannot believe I can walk around half the day and nobody even notices that I have puke in my hair.
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Bosco : Einstein decided to see if Chevys could fly. F.Y.I.: they can't.
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[after someone shoots Rudy in the back of the police car]
Kim : You guys sure you're okay?
Yokas : Yeah, I'll let you know when my ass unpuckers.
Bobby : Mine wouldn't until April.
Yokas : Who would want to hurt Rudy Granger?
Bosco : Obviously someone who wants me to have a really bad day.
Davis : I bet you Rudy'd say his day was worse.
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[to a kid he is searching]
Bosco : Well, what do we have here? Huh? Illegal narcotics? I am shocked and dismayed.
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[about why Sully isn't at work]
Bosco : When you haven't had sex in decades it must take some time to recover.
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Bosco : I haven't arrested a hairstyle like that since Michael Jackson was black.
Leroy : Oh, no, you didn't.
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Bosco : Can't believe it, first Giants game of the season, Monday Night Football, and I'm stuck working.
Yokas : Yeah, well right now you're not working. You're staring at a bunch of revolving desserts.
Bosco : [about cake] Is that fresh?
Cashier : No, it's three weeks old. The way our customers like it.
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AJ : [about Yokas] You know what she needs, don't you?
Bosco : Yep. Yoga.
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Yokas : What, are you dieting?
Sully : Well, it's the Tatiana effect. She's feeding me better food, vegetables, fish, chicken. And we take these power walks, sometimes twice a day.
Bosco : Can you believe this, Davis? Before you ladies turn the discussion to deal-a-meals and thighmasters, do you mind letting me go to work?
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Bosco : Wait until my partner here gets finished with the report. You'll be so guilty even you won't like yourself.
Yokas : Oh, that's sweet.
Bosco : Well, you're the best at it.
Yokas : Isn't he a smooth talker?
Charlie : You're gonna lie?
Yokas : Lie? Lie? Now that is a very offensive characterization.
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Dr. Susan Lewis : [about Chloe] She's a responsible wife and mother.
Bosco : If she's so responsible then why are you here?
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Gerald : They're hookers you know.
Bosco : I believe the politically correct term is "street hostesses."
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Dr. Susan Lewis : [Bosco slams Oleg's face into the car] You may have broken his nose.
Bosco : No, he was always that ugly.
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Bosco : [to a prisoner] You're pissing me off. Walk faster or I'll put my foot up your ass.
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Mary Proctor : I'll be right back with your Tetanus shot.
Bosco : Oh, come on Proctor, those are a killer.
Mary Proctor : Hey, don't try to take away one of the only joys I have left in my job.
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Bosco : If you need me, I'll be keeping a lid on the garbage.
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Woman : [about Emily] She's becoming very precocious.
Bosco : Attitude? I wonder which one of her parents that comes from.
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Bosco : Fat-free half-and-half. Isn't that just milk?
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Yokas : If it was up to me, my kids would never cry. They'd never be embarrassed or humiliated or disappointed. They'd never get hurt. That's how much you love them. You want to put them in a bubble for safekeeping. Some place where there's no psychos, there's no drugs, and there's no danger.
Bosco : No life.
Yokas : I didn't say it was rational.
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Bosco : How are you, Diane?
ADA Dianne Mann : I haven't gotten laid since the 90s.
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[arresting Vernon]
Bosco : Look at 'em Vernon. Look at 'em. They're all out here to watch you fall. And they can't wait for you to be gone. Forever. You hear me? For good. You'll be forgotten in a week, because of one little boy. One little boy who had the stones to stand up to you. He's twice the man you'll ever be.
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Mrs. Winston : [about Daryl] He probably has a bump on his head.
Bosco : Oh, wait until I get a hold of him.
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Yokas : Fred and I have been getting along really well lately.
Bosco : Stop!
Yokas : Bosco, when it rains it pours. And it is raining in the Yokas boudoir, hard.
Bosco : Why do you have to do that?
Yokas : What?
Bosco : I just asked you a simple question, you gotta fill my head with visuals!
Yokas : And women are uptight about sex?
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Bosco : [holding up a lamp] This doesn't match anything in my place.
Yokas : So how you doing, I mean, you know, in general?
Claire Henley : Fine. I'm doing fine.
Bosco : And yet it's raining floor lamps outside your apartment.
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[to Cruz]
Bosco : How could they have known we were coming? We were being so inconspicuous and all.
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[Flashback; About Faith's shooting skills]
Bosco : Come on. You'd have a better chance if they let you throw the gun at it and count it as six if you hit it.
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Aaron Noble : It was research.
Bosco : Yeah? Well, now you can research how to be someone's bitch.
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[about Willie]
Bosco : Destroying city property, littering, riding without a helmet. It's a one-man crime wave.
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Aaron Noble : You know what Injera is?
Bosco : No.
Aaron Noble : It's Ethiopian bread. Kind of like a pancake, but sour.
Bosco : You think that's what's wrong with this cheeseburger?
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Aaron Noble : That is how I work, I immerse myself in the culture.
Bosco : Let me get this straight... Are you telling me that you do crank professionally?
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Bosco : I am so hot tonight. I'm even amazing myself.
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Bosco : I'm starting to change my mind about the Himalayas. I think it would be a pretty good place to go. No pollution, no BS with the legal system. Just ice and mountains. The South Pole...
Yokas : The South Pole?
Bosco : What?
Yokas : Nothing.
Bosco : It's probably only nice until you get used to the place. After that I'm sure you run into some crackhead Eskimo using kids or something.
Yokas : Eskimos? In the Himalayas?
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[to Cruz]
Bosco : You remember saying the reason I'd never be a great cop? Is 'cause I - - I don't follow through. I half ass the paper work. Well guess what? My partner never does. Never! That's why together, me and Yokas are one great cop.
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Bosco : Maybe next time he'll kill you. It's a shorter report.
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Bosco : Don't trip on your bling-bling, yo yo.
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Bosco : Put me on first. I'll piss this defense attorney off so much he'll have me on for an hour.
ADA Dianne Mann : It's always something with you, isn't it?
Bosco : Look, this time I'll be your knight in shining armor.
ADA Dianne Mann : Oh, yeah, that's got me oozing confidence.
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Bosco : Doc, man, you gotta tell your people to secure these busses, or at least get a head count. This one's turning out to have more passengers than the Titanic.
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[to Carlos]
Bosco : What's wrong? Principal write you up?
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Bosco : Just because my family left the boot doesn't mean I got olive oil in my veins.
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[to Mikey]
Bosco : Following the rules is the hard way. Stealing, scams, dope dealing... That's easy.
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Michael Boscorelli : I didn't shoot that cop.
Bosco : I believe you, Mike.
Michael Boscorelli : I didn't shoot that cop.
Bosco : You're still gonna have to get arrested. I'll get you a lawyer and I'll be there with you. I'll be your brother if you let me be your brother. You gotta let me.
Michael Boscorelli : All right.
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[about Hart]
Walsh : Yo, PD! You wanna stop distracting my guy?
Bosco : What, distract one of New York's Bravest? Is that even possible?
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Michael Boscorelli : Look man, when I get out of here I wanna hang out together... just uh, me and you, maybe um, maybe we'll take a road trip. We'll go to Atlantic City.
Bosco : Atlantic City?...
Michael Boscorelli : ...You're gonna have to pay though, 'cause I don't have any money.
Bosco : No kidding?
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Sergeant Laura Wynn : I'm starting to like your brother.
Bosco : He grows on you.
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Sergeant Laura Wynn : Locking up Joey Mann for a capital crime has got to bring his old man out of hiding.
Bosco : You're gonna take care of Mike, right?
Sergeant Laura Wynn : Yep. I might just marry him.